Infinite
by Winter Blake
Summary: Takes place pre series. It's Veronica's first birthday without Lilly and she's dealing the best she can. Logan is plagued with guilt over how he has been treating Veronica, and Lilly's voice is haunting him. Probably rated to high but I'm paranoid. References to the novel The Perks of Being a Wallflower.
1. Chapter 1

**Authors note- This takes place before season 1 starts, but after Lilly's death. I know Veronica's birthday is in August so I'm just assuming that it could very well be at the end of August once school has already started (I know it depends on the state but in my state school starts in August).**

**Disclaimer- I do not own Veronica Mars, and the books referenced are not mine either. I have one line from The Perks of Being A Wallflower and I put in in italics.**

Veronica had never been one to make a big deal about her birthday. She had always been perfectly content with a day spent with her best friends and a chocolate cake. As a little girl she had loved going to Lilly's huge birthday parties but had never particularly desired that type of party for herself. Lilly had always reluctantly agreed to Veronica's wishes and never planned a big surprise party for her. What ended up happening every year since Veronica was twelve was a day spent with Lilly, Duncan, and Logan, a cake and presents later that night at Veronica's house, and a sleepover with Lilly.

Lilly and Duncan always got her fabulous presents that she adored and her parents always tried their hardest to get her everything she wanted. Logan usually got her a gag gift that they could all laugh about- and more often than not- had hide from Veronica's parents. It also became tradition to never open Logan's gifts first, before the group arrived home, so Mr. and Mrs. Mars were spared from seeing the inappropriate present.

But this year Veronica knew nothing was going to happen. Her dad and given her kiss on the cheek before school, and he would probably give her a cake and a present later, but no Lilly snuck into her room that morning and awoke her by jumping on her bed and singing happy birthday. Logan and Duncan weren't waiting for her in the kitchen- Duncan smiling and sweet, and Logan grumpy because he hated mornings, but he still got up for her birthday anyway.

Veronica knew her seventeenth birthday was going to be ignored, but what she hated the most was that Lilly was not there. So that morning Veronica picked up one of her favorite books to read that she knew would help her get through the day, got in her car, and headed off to school.

During lunch she sat down at her table by herself and got out _The Perks of Being a Wallflower_. But the second she opened the book she wanted to cry. That morning she hadn't thought about what memories the book may bring to her. She had been too sleepy to think clearly and only wanted her favorite book. But now that she was fully awake and holding the book in her hands a rush of memories from her sixteenth birthday and her shattered friendships all came flooding back.

Her sixteenth birthday had been her best birthday by far and she smiled at the memory of Lilly giving her the diamond star necklace that she never took off. That year Veronica went to the beach for her birthday and all of her birthday presents from her friends had been opened there instead of at home. Well all except for one.

"_Here Veronica," Duncan had said smiling, "Lilly helped me pick it out." Duncan held out a small wrapped box and Veronica squealed excitedly. _

_ She opened the box to find a silver bracelet with her initials as well as Duncan's. _

_ "Thank you sweetie!" Veronica said giving him a kiss and then putting on the bracelet._

_ "My turn!" Logan had said holding up a rather large box. "I think you're gonna like it this year Veronica." He wagged his eyebrows at her suggestively. _

_ Veronica looked at him amused and hesitantly opened the box._

_ "It's not going bite youVeronica! Hurry up!" Lilly screamed, already a bit tipsy._

_ When Veronica opened the box she almost screamed. "A dildo?" she said stunned but laughing to. "You got me a dildo?"_

_ "Well I figured you weren't getting any from Duncan." Logan smiled._

_ Everybody laughed and Lilly gave her two presents. One was a red thong (Veronica thought Lilly and Logan were trying to tell her something) and the other a beautiful star necklace that Veronica decided she would never take off as a symbol of her friendship with Lilly. _

_ Later Logan took Veronica out in the ocean to try- and fail- to teach her a little surfing, and then all four of them had acted like five year olds and played tag on the beach (of course the alcohol helped add to the fun- even if Veronica only let herself get a slight buzz). The four didn't go back to Veronica's until later that night when everybody was sober enough to eat cake with Veronica's parents. After, when everybody was laughing and talking, Logan pulled Veronica aside and into her bedroom. _

_ "What's up?" Veronica asked. Logan was holding a small wrapped package and looked extremely awkward._

_ "Well last year for my birthday you got me _Catcher in the Rye_ which was really a perfect present. I mean I told you how I felt about it, and I kind of wanted to repay the favor." He gingerly handed her the package out of his element completely. "It's this book called _The Perks of Being a Wallflower _and it's this really life changing book. I guess it's kind of like _Catcher in the Rye_ but I feel like this book is perfect for you. I don't know. I read it and I was kind of in a daze for a couple days after." _

_ Veronica smiled and went up to Logan to embrace him. "Thank you," she whispered, "it means a lot to me." _

_ When Veronica let go of him Logan cleared his throat and suggested they go back into the kitchen before everybody started asking about them. _

_ Later that night, when Lilly had fallen asleep, Veronica opened the package to find a small paperback book that had clearly been used. She opened the book to find a note written on the inside on a blank page in Logan's messy scrawl. _

Dear Veronica,

Happy Birthday! I read this book during the summer and Charlie reminded me a little of you. You aren't a wallflower or anything but his sweetness and innocence sort of make me think of you. Besides you gave me Catcher in the Rye last year and that book was sort of life changing, and I could really relate to Holden, so I wanted to repay the favor and give you a book with a character that I think you can probably relate to. I decided to give you my copy to keep because in the story Charlie is given a book and he didn't think it was special because it was a new copy and not Mary Elizabeth's personal copy. So I decided to take Charlie's advice and give you my copy. I hope you like it.

- Logan

_After Veronica read the note she almost wanted to cry, and she excitedly opened up to the first page to begin reading. _

Veronica smiled a little at the memory and remembered the next day at school she had smiled tiredly at Logan and told him that she had stayed up all night reading the book and it was the most amazing thing she had ever read.

She shook her head, trying to get herself to stop thinking about the past, and opened the book to a part that she thought would help with her mood. She had all of her favorite parts highlighted and the pages dog-eared so she could find what she was looking for more easily.

As Veronica read she suddenly felt something hit her back and turned around to see that it had been an old homework assignment of some 09er's curled up into a ball and thrown at her back. She scowled and started to turn back around when she caught Logan staring at her.

Instead of the customary scowl that he usually sent her way he looked more… guilty. She locked eyes with him and neither of them broke contact until Dick shook Logan and he turned away reluctantly.

**Please please please review! It will encourage me to put the second chapter up more quickly :) **


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer- I do not own Veronica Mars, and the books referenced are not mine either. I have one line from The Perks of Being A Wallflower and I put in in italics.**

When Logan woke up that morning it had been just like every other Monday morning and he dragged himself out of bed to get ready. He ate breakfast, got into his car, and drove to school. First period he looked up at the board and when he saw the date he froze.

_Veronica's birthday is today. _

Logan felt a stab of panic and for a brief second thought Lilly was still alive and going to flay him for forgetting, and then remembered that Lilly was dead and he was no longer friends with Veronica. He looked to Duncan to see if he recognized the date but he seemed perfectly normal and Logan quickly decided he had forgotten. Duncan had always forgotten and it had always been up to Lilly and himself to constantly remind Duncan when Veronica's birthday was coming up, because Veronica had always been to shy to ever bring up her birthday herself. Duncan had loved Veronica but the boy was terrible with dates and Logan remembered that Duncan had forgotten Veronica's birthday last year until Logan reminded him the day before. Duncan and freaked and Logan had suggested he just call up Lilly to ask what Veronica would like.

_"Yeah. Yeah, thanks man,"_ _Duncan said nervously. "Did you remember Veronica's birthday?"_

"_Considering I'm the one who reminded you, yeah." Logan said shaking his head at his nice, but sometimes very stupid, friend. _

"_Right, right," Duncan mumbled. "Did you get her anything?"_

"_Yup, all boxed up and wrapped with a bow on top."_

"_Oh shit I am so screwed. How could I have forgotten?"_

"_Relax. Like I said before just call up Lilly. I think she may have actually already gotten a back up present for you in case you forgot." _

Logan looked at Duncan for a second time to see if he suddenly remembered the date but nope. He still didn't remember anything. Logan rolled his eyes and tried to concentrate on his work, but he couldn't get the guilt he was feeling out of his mind. If Lilly was still alive she would have killed him for the way he had been treating Veronica lately, and forgetting her birthday would have been inexcusable in Lilly's book.

_Well technically you did remember. _Logan thought to himself, but another voice in his head (a voice that sounded suspiciously like Lilly), snorted.

_Yeah you remembered on the day of. You're no better then Duncan. You're worse actually because of how you treat Veronica._

Logan tried his best to ignore that voice.

It got significantly harder once lunch came around. He saw Veronica sitting by herself reading some book, and then on closer inspection he realized the book she was reading. _The Perks of Being a Wallflower_.

_Great. My guilt has just been tripled._

_As if you don't deserve it asshole. _Lilly's voice admonished him.

Logan remembered reading the book and Charlie's sweetness and innocence reminding him of Veronica, but Veronica was nothing like that anymore. Now she reminded him of Charlie because she was an outsider, and in one part of the book everybody hated Charlie, and everybody hated Veronica now. He wondered what part of the book she was reading. Maybe the first part when Charlie had just made friends and everything was happy so Veronica could feel better, or maybe she was reading the part when Charlie was alienated from all of his friends, so she could relate to someone.

When someone threw that piece of paper at Veronica, Logan wanted to get up and punch them- Veronica shouldn't be harassed today. He locked eyes with her and as much as he wanted to he couldn't look away until Dick pulled him out of his trance.

"Dude why are you acting so weird today?" Dick asked.

"No reason," Logan lied. "Just tired."

* * *

When school ended Logan hid from his friends and found Veronica getting into her car.

_Talk to her! _Lilly's voice urged him, and he listened.

Logan walked up to Veronica who was sitting in her car about to drive away.

"Hey," he said quietly. "How was your day?"

Veronica looked at him suspiciously and Logan couldn't blame her. He knew he was an ass.

"What do you care?" Veronica said venomously.

Logan sighed. "Look I just… I just wanted to wish you a happy birthday."

Veronica looked at him in stunned silence.

"I saw you reading," Logan continued. "You remember when Charlie said that they 'were infinite'?"

"Yeah," Veronica said in a soft voice.

"It's kind of how we were I think- all four us. _We were infinite_."

"Yeah. Yeah, we were." Veronica said.

"Look I know I'm a jackass to you, and I'm not going to apologize."

"Thanks," Veronica said sarcastically.

"It's easier to be an ass to you then to ignore you. I'll see you later."

And with that Logan walked away leaving a very confused Veronica in his wake.

**I am going to put the story as complete because this is how I envisioned the story going, just pre romance. But if you review and tell me you want more chapters I will consider adding to the story :) **

**So basically please review **


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